When Deep Grief and Deep Peace Embrace

Hospital room a few days after Thanksgiving, my sister and I on either side of a bed, watching the frail, failing body of our mother.

Darkness broken only by the glow of machines designed to monitor the presence, or absence, of life. Mom has been unresponsive for a few days now.

Faint echoes of hospital staff in the hallway, hushed by the lateness of the hour.

Music playing softly in the room – a playlist of mom’s favorite hymns and faith-filled songs. It’s been playing on repeat for many hours as we prepared for her last breath here and her first breath in the presence of Jesus.

I touch mom’s neck again, briefly comforted by the faint yet consistent heartbeat.

Earlier in the day a Hospice counselor visited. Her job was to bring comfort and hope to those waiting and watching as a loved one approached the end of life. We shared of mom’s faith in God which had transformed the broken soul of a woman into the church librarian who loved to share written stories of her Savior. Together we testified to our own confidence in knowing that when she left us, she would be running into His arms, and we would someday see her again.

“Sounds like you’ve got this all under control.”

“We don’t, but He does.”

Dear friends from church visited. There was shared laughter, tears, words of comfort and hope. They knew they were saying their final good-byes. We received comfort from their presence and their love for mom, and Jesus.

They are now gone, just the three of us remain.

A favorite song plays in the darkness…

Soon and very soon I’ll be going to the place He has prepared for me
There my sin erased, my shame forgotten, soon and very soon
I will be with the One I love. With unveiled face I’ll see Him. There my soul will be satisfied
Soon and very soon.

Touched mom’s neck again.

Heartbeat is even more faint, slowing down….and stopped.

I look over to my sister to say, “she’s gone.”

The moment is frozen, at first neither of us moves.

I step into the hallway and am met by the Charge Nurse who had been watching the monitors. She knows, and goes in to take official readings, note times, fill out forms.

Call a close friend who was awake and praying. I’m stunned by my inability to speak the words. How is it possible I can be so deeply peaceful in the depths of my soul, while grieving a loss my emotions felt was way too soon?

“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for You are with me”

In that valley, He walks with us. He embraces us. He weeps with us….and brings us hope. In that valley which each of us must walk, He abides to share in our grief and pour out His peace that passes all understanding.

Into His embrace we fall to weep, rest, and revive.

‘Till we meet again….

[Rev. LoriJo Schepers has been in ministry for several decades, serving as pastor, on-air personality for a local Christian music station, and currently as Executive Director of Barnabas Ministries. She has been a writer since she could hold a pencil, her first publication at 15. She shares more of life and faith on her blog  HopeScribe. She has four grown children and three special granddaughters. Her contact: lorijo@barnabasmin.org]